W
W (double U) has, of all the letters in our alphabet, the only epixoriambikos. Still, it is now thought by the learned that other WALL STREET, n. A symbol for sin for every devil to rebuke. That Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call To battle: "The brokers are parasites all!" Carnegie, Carnegie, you'll never prevail; Keep the wind of your slogan to belly your sail, Go back to your isle of perpetual brume, Silence your pibroch, doff tartan and plume: Ben Lomond is calling his son from the fray -- Fly, fly from the region of Wall Street away! While still you're possessed of a single baubee (I wish it were pledged to endowment of me) 'Twere wise to retreat from the wars of finance Lest its value decline ere your credit advance. For a man 'twixt a king of finance and the sea, Carnegie, Carnegie, your tongue is too free! Anonymus Bink WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing heard from afar Ancestral voices prophesying war. One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of They took away his vote and gave instead The right, when he had earned, to eat his bread. In vain -- he clamors for his "boss," pour soul, To come again and part him from his roll. Offenbach Stutz WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see, And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be -- Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth, With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth. While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incadescent youth, From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth. He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote -- For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow: "Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow." Halcyon Jones WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, WEREWOLF, n. A wolf that was once, or is sometimes, a man. All Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening, tied it WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected Should you ask me whence this laughter, Whence this audible big-smiling, With its labial extension, With its maxillar distortion And its diaphragmic rhythmus Like the billowing of an ocean, Like the shaking of a carpet, I should answer, I should tell you: From the great deeps of the spirit, From the unplummeted abysmus Of the soul this laughter welleth As the fountain, the gug-guggle, Like the river from the canon [sic], To entoken and give warning That my present mood is sunny. Should you ask me further question -- Why the great deeps of the spirit, Why the unplummeted abysmus Of the soule extrudes this laughter, This all audible big-smiling, I should answer, I should tell you With a white heart, tumpitumpy, With a true tongue, honest Injun: William Bryan, he has Caught It, Caught the Whangdepootenawah! Is't the sandhill crane, the shankank, Standing in the marsh, the kneedeep, Standing silent in the kneedeep With his wing-tips crossed behind him And his neck close-reefed before him, With his bill, his william, buried In the down upon his bosom, With his head retracted inly, While his shoulders overlook it? Does the sandhill crane, the shankank, Shiver grayly in the north wind, Wishing he had died when little, As the sparrow, the chipchip, does? No 'tis not the Shankank standing, Standing in the gray and dismal Marsh, the gray and dismal kneedeep. No, 'tis peerless William Bryan Realizing that he's Caught It, Caught the Whangdepootenawah! WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some WHITE, adj. and n. Black. WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league WITTICISM, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from Greeland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular name (wolfman) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the American variety (felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk. Balthasar Pober WORMS'-MEAT, n. The finished product of which we are the raw Ambitious fool! so mad to be a show! How profitless the labor you bestow Upon a dwelling whose magnificence The tenant neither can admire nor know. Build deep, build high, build massive as you can, The wanton grass-roots will defeat the plan By shouldering asunder all the stones In what to you would be a moment's span. Time to the dead so all unreckoned flies That when your marble is all dust, arise, If wakened, stretch your limbs and yawn -- You'll think you scarcely can have closed your eyes. What though of all man's works your tomb alone Should stand till Time himself be overthrown? Would it advantage you to dwell therein Forever as a stain upon a stone? Joel Huck WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to ![]() |